Read Part 1 here.
Every day for the past week, the girl had lain in wait on the outskirts of the village for the postman, who cycled in sporadically from the neighboring village. This morning, as soon as she spotted him, she darted out from her hiding place, startling him, and asked if there were any letters for her family. He had frowned and bit his cheek, his rheumy eyes considering her through his thick glasses. She could tell he felt sorry for her, but he was also peeved—she was asking for something only the headman should receive. But she held his gaze without blinking. When he finally handed over the thick onionskin envelope addressed to her parents, he did so hastily, avoiding her eyes and pedaling away as quickly as he could.
Original:
先週の毎日(1)、彼女はたまに自転車で隣の村からやってくる郵便屋さんを村の近郊で待っていた。今朝、一旦郵便屋さんが見え来たら、すぐに物陰から飛び出して、彼を脅かして、家族宛の手紙ありますかと質問した。度の高いメガネをかけている郵便屋さんは顰めっ面して笑いを堪えてしっかり彼女の顔を認めた。彼女を気の毒に思うとは彼女に気づいたけど、さらに郵便屋さんのもどかしさも感じました(2)。所詮、この手紙は村長以外に誰も受け取れないものだ。それにしても、彼女は目を瞬かずに郵便屋さんの目を見返した。とうとう彼女の目を避けて(3)手っ取り早く手紙を渡して、できるだけ自転車に乗り去った。
Edited:
先週の連日、彼女はたまに自転車で隣の村からやってくる郵便屋さんを村の近郊で待っていた。今朝、一旦郵便屋さんが見え来たら、すぐに物陰から飛び出して、彼を脅かして、家族宛の手紙ありますかと質問した。度の高いメガネをかけている郵便屋さんは顰めっ面して笑いを堪えてしっかり彼女の顔を認めた。彼女は郵便屋さんが彼女をきのどくに思っているのに気づいた。郵便屋さんの苛立ちも感じた。所詮、この手紙は村長以外に誰も受け取れないものだ。それにしても、彼女は目を瞬きせずに郵便屋さんの目を見返した。とうとう彼女の目を逸らして手っ取り早く手紙を渡して、できるだけ早く(4)自転車に乗り去った。
- The difference between 毎日 and 連日 is quite subtle. 毎日 describes an action that has no “end” to it, whereas 連日 describes something that happens over a period of a few days in a row. For example 毎日、バナナの一本を食べます。 I eat a banana every day — here, the description is of a habit that happens every day, without any expectation that the habit will cease. 連日暑い日が続いている The hot weather has been going on for a few days in a row. Here, it’s implied that hot weather is not usual. However, if we say 毎日暑いです then one assumes that the weather is hot every day, without exception. Because of that, 先週の毎日 as a phrase doesn’t really make sense, especially since 先週の already implies that it’s something that was only done in the last week.
- The original sentence is confusing. Mark 彼女 explicitly as the subject who’s doing the perceiving: “She could tell…“. Also, instead of もどかしい, 苛立ち is a better description of “peeved”.
- 目を逸らす is a better collocation, as is 視線を避ける.
- できるだけ is commonly collocated with 早く.
Now, standing tall, her shoulders back, she strolls past the women at the riverbank. They glare at her. She can feel her heart flutter wildly in her breast, but she passes, straight as sugarcane, mutki on her head, as if she is going to the farmers well, two miles farther from the village, the only well she is allowed to use.
Original:
今、彼女は姿勢を直して川岸にいる村の女たちを通り過ぎた。彼女たちは彼女を睨んでいる。彼女は心臓の鼓動をはっきり感じていても、竹のように真っ直ぐにムットキのバランスを取りながら歩いている。それはまるで２マイル離れた農民専用の井戸ー彼女はあれしか使えないーに行くのようだ。
Edited:
今、彼女は姿勢を直して川岸にいる村の女たちの前(5)を通り過ぎた。彼女たちは彼女を睨んでいる。彼女は心臓の鼓動をはっきり感じていても、サトウキビ(6)のように真っ直ぐにムットキのバランスを取りながら歩いている。それはまるで２マイル離れた農民専用の井戸ー彼女はあれしか使えないーに行くか(7)のようだ。
- 通り過ぎる needs to be used in relation to a specific position. “Passed in front of the village women” vs “Passed the village women”.
- I didn’t think sugarcane was a thing in Japan, but I was wrong. They do exist in Okinawa, and the term for it is サトウキビ.
- 行くかのよう means to seem like she was going, but not actually. Contrast this with 行くよう, where the speaker does actually think that she is going to said place.
The gossip-eaters no longer whisper but shout to one another: There goes the Bad Luck Girl! The year she was born, locusts ate the wheat! Her older sister deserted her husband, never to be seen again! Shameless! That same year her mother went blind! And her father turned to drink! Disgraceful! Even the girl’s coloring is suspect. Only Angreji-walli have blue eyes. Does she even belong to us? To this village?
Original:
ゴシップ喰いたちは囁かずに大声で言った、「ほら、疫病神だ。生まれたあの年、蝉(8)が大麦を食い荒らした。姉さんは夫を放置していなくなった(9)。恥じ知れずだった！あの(10)同年、母は盲人になった！父は酔っ払いになった！不面目だった！彼女の目の色はなおさらだ！アングレジワリ人以外の青目の人はいないんだから。いや、彼女は実に我々の一員かい？この村の？」
Edited:
ゴシップ喰いたちは囁かずに大声で言った、「ほら、疫病神だ。生まれたあの年、バッタが大麦を食い荒らした。姉さんは夫を放置して蒸発した。恥じ知れずだった！その同年、母は盲人になった！父は酔っ払いになった！不面目だった！彼女の目の色はなおさらだ！アングレジワリ人以外の青目の人はいないんだから。いや、彼女は実に我々の一員かい？この村の？」
- The correct term for locust is バッタ. 蝉 is cicada.
- いなくなった is completely fine. There’s a more “flavourful” word to use — 蒸発, meaning to evaporate, but also used to refer to someone who disappears without a trace.
- その is more appropriate here because it’s referring to a year that has already been mentioned earlier (the year the girl was born). Use あの when the year hasn’t been established (meaning the speaker assumes the listener is thinking about the same year as she is).